I watched as Dylan carefully folded her tiny clothes. Every time he pulled one out of the drawer I studied it. The teeny arm holes, the soft fabric, the newborn booties that she only wore once. His hands, although already big, looked huge against the tiny bodysuits. We were putting the things away that she had grown out of & that we no longer needed.
I was sitting across the room nursing Emma in her glider. Her little lips were locked to me as she guzzled down her lunch. Her tiny finger was wrapped around mine and she was pulling my shirt with her other hand.
“Okay” We basically cleared out an entire drawer he said. Now we have more room to organize the things that fit her. Where should we put this box of little stuff?”
My heart sank into the bottom of my stomach. Does she really not need those tiny bodysuits ? Those soft swaddles? Those little booties ? How is she almost 8 months old? Are we really closer to her first birthday than we are to the day she was born?
I felt the warm tears welling up in my eyes. One of them dropped onto Emma’s face and she stopped eating to look up at me. She smiled the biggest, happiest smile. I picked her up & kissed her cheek. I put her over my shoulder, and patted her back. Her little body didn’t feel so little anymore.
“Umm I don’t know. I guess we will donate them to a friend” I replied as a tear streamed down my face. I wiped it away so he couldn’t see & started feeding Emma on the other side.
“Okay I’ll put it in the closet for now”. He set the box in her closet & headed back downstairs.
The tears came rushing down my face as I continued to feed her. I looked down at her as she happily ate and smiled back at me.
There’s no way to prepare yourself for the overwhelming love you will feel for your babies. There’s no easy way to close chapters as they grow bigger. The only thing you can do is soak up every single moment possible. Be present as you nurse them to sleep in the dark. Lay on the floor and play with them with no interruptions. Rock them to sleep & relish in the moments when they fall asleep on you. Soak it all in mama.
I know you’re tired, and you’ve been up all night. An uninterrupted shower sounds like a trip to the spa, your nails haven’t been painted for 8 months, and your roots are grown halfway down your head. I know you haven’t had much “me time” & you’re living off of coffee & whatever you can scrounge up to eat in 2 minutes. BUT… I’m here to tell you that this baby stage seriously goes by in the blink of an eye. Before you know it, they will be 3. BUT… I can also tell you that there’s nothing sweeter than a 3 year old.
So although you might be closing a chapter, there are new ones to open, and they are just as amazing.