My Life Is A Shit Show Right Now, and That’s Okay
I woke up positive today. Emma slept from 9pm-5am. I should have jumped out of my sheets and performed a happy dance when I looked at my phone and realized my 3 week old just slept an 8 hour stretch. She even went back down to sleep for 3 hours after I fed her at 5. The morning was off to a great start.
My husband woke up with my toddler, and even took him to the park before he headed off to his morning meeting. I woke up, walked downstairs to make coffee, and then went back upstairs to wake Emma up. I was starting to think “Man, we’ve got this down.” I even posted a video to my Youtube channel last night sharing tips on How to Transition from 1 to 2 kids. I was practically an expert in the subject by now, right? Wrong.
As soon as my husband left this morning, the shit show began. Emma has been eating every hour on the hour for the past two days during the day (thinking it’s a growth spurt). Every time I fed her this morning, Noah would scream at me and say “Put the baby to bed!”, and point to her rock n play. He would cry every time I told him that we need to “Share Mommy,” and that “Mommy needed to feed the baby.” He was throwing massive tantrums, which he never does. Everything I tried to do to make him happy wasn’t working.
He was acting out so badly, and I was so frustrated with him, that I actually spanked him. You guys, I’ve never spanked him before. It was only one swat on the butt, but I felt awful. He looked up at me with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen “like why in the world did you do that mommy?” I immediately busted into tears. I was losing it and it wasn’t even noon.
I was able to take him upstairs for a nap, and get Emma to nap, which is the only way I’m able to sit here and type out this post (it’s practically my form of therapy). Of course he isn’t napping, he’s just sitting in his room asking to come out. But he’s going to chill in there for a few minutes anyway, because mama is over here going crazy.
I came downstairs after putting him down for his nap, and hopped on my phone. I was instantly sucked into the world of Instagram perfection. I saw all of my blogger friends posting to their Instagram accounts. They were sharing sales that were going on, changing clothes for their Instagram Try-On Hauls, and looking like they had their shit together. I couldn’t help but compare myself, and feel like I was falling behind.
Before Emma was born I was able to post on my Instagram account 3 times a day. Now I’m lucky to post once. I know this may seem ridiculous to most people, but posting on my Instagram and my blog is actually my job, and how I earn income to support my family. There’s no maternity leave for bloggers, so the stress of not being able to complete my work can really get to me.
As I sit here and ramble to you, I want you guys to realize that my life isn’t perfect. That other blogger you follow doesn’t have a perfect life either. She’s most likely trying to get work done while her kids are napping. Or maybe she is working as fast as she can, before her toddler runs into the room demanding her attention. We are all just trying to make it work, no matter what our situation is.
The best part of blogging has been connecting with so many of you in my same shoes. I had a reader reach out to me via Instagram and tell me that my Instagram Stories are what get her though the day. She also has a toddler and a newborn, and she told me that she feels like she can really relate to me. Those messages are what keep me going. They are why I’m writing this post right now.
I wanted to share a glimpse into my not-so-perfect day, and my not-so-perfect life, so that you know life behind those perfect Instagram squares isn’t so perfect.
I want you to know that you’re not alone.
You’re not the only one with spit up forming hard spots in your hair.
You’re not the only one with the incredibly messy living room.
You’re not the only one crying and feeling like you’re failing at this whole parenting thing.
You’re not the only one wondering if 3 pm is too early for a glass of wine.
You’re not the only one who is reheating the same cup of coffee the entire day.
You’re not the only one who compares yourself to other moms on Instagram.
You’re an amazing mama, and you’re doing the best you can.