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Life After A Miscarriage: I Had A Miscarriage, and I’m OK.

Life After A Miscarriage: I Had A Miscarriage, and I'm OK by Austin blogger Life By LeeInitially I didn’t think I would share this topic on my blog, but something has been tugging at me lately. I think it was the need to write about it. I’m not the best at expressing my thoughts vocally, I’d much rather write them out. Bloggers tend to share the highlights in their life, and usually keep the low points to themselves. I’ll admit that recently my blog has been a showcase of the perfect life, because sometimes life can be perfect, but other times it isn’t.

One of my favorite things about my blogging journey has been the connection to other women. Women who I’ve never even met in person, but that I consider friends. Another thing that I love about this journey is sharing struggles in motherhood, balancing work and mom life, and just being flat out honest with you guys in hopes to help or inspire someone else. When I come across an article online that I can relate to I instantly relax. Knowing that someone else is going through the same thing that I’m going through somehow it makes it easier.

I never thought I’d have a miscarriage. I’ve had family members and close friends have them, but I never thought it would happen to me. I also had never really considered the statistics. I was in shock after reading that 15-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and that 80% of miscarriages occur during the first trimester.

I was about 6.5 weeks along. Although I’m fortunate that I miscarried early in my pregnancy, it’s still not a fun thing to go through. It was a usual Wednesday morning in our house. I went to get Noah out of his crib, walked downstairs, and started to prepare breakfast. As soon as I noticed the bleeding I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. I grabbed Noah and rushed back upstairs to tell Dylan. I knew right away what was going on. The two days prior I had felt different. It’s like my pregnancy symptoms went away and then two days later I saw the physical signs of the miscarriage.

The entire day was kind of a blur, and I spent the majority of it crying. My sister rushed over and helped out with Noah so Dylan and I could head to the doctor’s office. She brought me a gift bag of relaxing remedies like bubble bath, lavender oil, and candles. We had a flight to Indiana booked for the next morning, and I was highly considering putting it off a week, although I didn’t. Making my way through the airport and traveling was uncomfortable, but I knew I would regret missing the trip, and that it would be nice to see family.

It’s officially been two weeks since that blur of a day. My hormones have been all over the place, but I’m feeling better.  I took a pregnancy test yesterday, and it finally displayed as “Not Pregnant”. I highly advise waiting two weeks before taking a pregnancy test after you have a miscarriage. It can take awhile for the pregnancy hormone to leave your system. Seeing “Pregnant” show up on the screen when you actually aren’t is an odd feeling.

You’re not alone if you’re going through a miscarriage. So many women out there have had them. I recently read that a miscarriage is sort of nature’s way of making sure that a human being is compatible with life. Surround yourself with friends & family, try to stay positive, and share what you’re going through with others. You are not alone. You are loved. You will make it through this. 

Thanks so much for making me feel like my blog is a place where I can share my personal struggles, and not just my recent favorite off the shoulder top.  I love you guys!

XO,

Lee Anne

*** I’ve had such amazing responses and support from so many people who have gone through very similar situations today. The stories people sent me made me feel so much better, and I would like to use this experience to help others. I know how therapeutic it can be to share a story like this with other women. If you would like to share your story feel free to leave it in the comments below or you can also email it to me at lifebyleeblog@gmail.com to share here on this blog post. I will remove any identifying information .

41 Comments

  1. Jaime on August 30, 2016 at 11:09 am

    Thank you for sharing your story! I too have a ton of close friends and family who have experienced a miscarriage or miscarriages. It hasn’t happened to me at this time, but we will be trying for more babies in the future, so I realize that this story can be mine. And that I’m not invisible. I appreciate your honesty!! And I’m glad you’ve found the strength to move on and help others.

    • Lee Anne on August 30, 2016 at 11:14 am

      Thank you so much Jaime. You’re so sweet. I appreciate your kinds words.

  2. Melissa on August 30, 2016 at 11:32 am

    Thanks for sharing your story. Stories like yours is what women like myself, who has had a miscarriage in the past, need to read. Wishing you all the best.

    • Lee Anne on August 30, 2016 at 11:38 am

      Thanks so much for sharing this with me Melissa. XO

  3. Julie on August 30, 2016 at 11:34 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! XOXO

  4. Callie on August 30, 2016 at 12:03 pm

    ❤️❤️❤️ Love you!

    • Lee Anne on August 30, 2016 at 12:19 pm

      Love you babe 🙂

  5. Scarlett on August 30, 2016 at 12:14 pm

    Love you so much sis! Now I’m crying at the airport! You are strong, loved and you definitely are making it through this! Love you more than words!! Xoxo

    • Lee Anne on August 30, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      Awe love you sis 🙂

  6. Jessica Ray on August 30, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    This was so beautifully well said. I can’t imagine how did feel, but know you are so incredibly strong and you have such a beautiful family surrounding you through this difficult time!

  7. Jesse Coulter on August 30, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    Sorry to hear that : ( Glad you shared it because I definitely feel like our community of blogging and women can be here to support you. Hoping vacation took your mind off of it a little bit, and praying for a healthy next pregnancy for you.

  8. Greta on August 30, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this with your followers. A couple of my friends have miscarried over the past year and I admire you for being so open and honest about it!

    Greta | http://www.gretahollar.com

  9. Heather on August 30, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    It does happen more often then people talk about.
    I miscarried 2 years ago, and I too was about 7 weeks along. Although I often wonder what life would of been like I knew it wasn’t meant to be. Hopefully one day we can both welcome another blessing and a sibling for our littles.
    My thoughts are with you and know that you are deffinatly not alone.

  10. Brianne George on August 30, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    More and more women are being open about their experiences, which I think is great! I’m sure you will help someone reading this who has experienced a similar thing. Lemon Stripes wrote a great post about it here: http://lemonstripes.com/lifestyle/surviving-miscarriage/

    Xo, Brianne
    http://www.scrubsandsparkles.com

  11. Brianne George on August 30, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    Oh, and you have an amazing sister!! That is so sweet of her to come over and bring you a care package!

    Xo, Brianne

  12. Bailey on August 30, 2016 at 3:28 pm

    It is so inspiring that you were willing to share your story, you have no idea how many people you probably helped cope in the process! Thank you so much for sharing.

    xoxo,
    Bailey
    Here’s The Skinny

  13. Sara on August 30, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    My heart aches for you but know that you are so brave and beautiful for sharing your story! And hugs and love are being sent your way!

  14. Shawn Foltz on August 30, 2016 at 5:00 pm

    Love you!! ❤️❤️❤️

  15. Michelle on August 30, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    Last May, I discovered I was pregnant on my 3rd wedding anniversary. I was so excited. We had been trying for 6 months for baby number 2. A week and a half later, I miscarried at 7 weeks. I never thought it would happen to me. I found that talking about my experience helped me more than bottling it up. A month after my miscarriage, I had a yearly physical at my OB/Gyn where they told me I was pregnant. I didn’t believe them and demanded blood work. Did you know you are super fertile immediately following a miscarriage? I didn’t and we had only had sex once and I discovered i wasn’t ready yet. I am now almost 16 weeks. It was hard to get excited about this baby, I lived in fear for weeks of a repeat.

  16. Stesha on August 30, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    What a heartbreaking story, I am so sorry you had to experience that. I could only imagine the emotional rollercoaster you have been going through but I am loving your positive outlook. And when the time is right you will have the perfect baby again!

    xxS

  17. Brie on August 30, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    I’m so so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your family lots of love.

    xo Brie

  18. Amanda C on August 30, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    Sending you and your sweet fam so much love doll!!!!! Many prayers for you as well!!

  19. Lauran on August 31, 2016 at 1:35 am

    Hands down to your courage and love for your audience enough to share! Will be sending this to friends who just need to hear about someone else facing and overcoming a miscarriage. I agree, the more we talk and connect about it the better! 🙂 Love you!!!

    • Lee Anne on August 31, 2016 at 10:53 am

      Thanks so much Lauran 🙂 Love you!

  20. Jenn on August 31, 2016 at 6:29 am

    I so appreciate you sharing this. It’s hard with blogging not to just present the pretty side of life, but to also share the messy, the complicated, and the real. But those posts are some of my favorites, just being able to connect more! I hope you have the chance to heal, and know that you’re helping a lot of people by sharing your story!

  21. Mukta on August 31, 2016 at 7:38 am

    I know how hard and disappointing it can be but I am so glad you shared it on blog. Reading it made us more strong and guts to accept the fact without feeling guilty.

  22. Stephanie on August 31, 2016 at 10:29 am

    Lee Anne, thank you so much for being brave and vulnerable enough to share this story, and for trusting us, your readers, with it. When I read your Instagram post yesterday, I felt so moved by it and so saddened for you. While I’m not a mother, nor have I ever lost a baby, I’ve seen in friends and family just how devastating it can feel to lose a baby. I can’t really say I can imagine what it feels like, because I’m sure that it’s a million times worse than I could imagine. I’m so glad that you are focusing on the positive and moving forward. I will keep you in my prayers.
    xo Steph
    A Sparkle Factor

    • Lee Anne on August 31, 2016 at 10:52 am

      Thanks so much Stephanie. You are the absolute sweetest. I really appreciate it.

  23. stylemelauren on August 31, 2016 at 11:34 am

    You are so brave and strong for opening up about this! You’re such an inspiration! I’m sorry for your loss but God has a plan!! XO

    @stylemelauren
    http://www.stylemelauren.com

  24. Sara on August 31, 2016 at 11:36 am

    Around the time my daughter was 9 months old, I found out I was pregnant. This was a huge surprise to me, but I was so thrilled. I told my friends and family, and began planning immediately. I loved the idea of having two children that could learn from each other at such a young age–they would be the best of friends. I was spotting off and on during the first few weeks, but my ultrasounds looked normal and I got to hear the heartbeat several times. I went in for an appointment at 10 weeks–but there was no heartbeat. I had had a missed pregnancy, and I finally finished bleeding 2 months later. It was agonizing to feel so miserable physically and emotionally. I wanted to move on, but my body still needed so much healing. Exactly 6 months after that miscarriage, I had a second miscarriage. This time, the pregnancy was planned, and I fell into despair thinking that I could never get pregnant again.

    Looking back, one of the hardest parts emotionally was the lack of support I felt. I had many friends who knew I had had a miscarriage, but they never said anything to me. I was heartbroken seeing that some friends knew I was suffering, but didn’t even offer an “I’m sorry.” I know a lot of people struggle to know what to say when someone has had a miscarriage—but my biggest piece of advice is to just say “I’m sorry!” Acknowledge that they are suffering, and offer a hug. You can’t fix the problem, and saying things like “at least you got pregnant” is not comforting to a women who had a miscarriage. Just say you’re sorry.

    Our last name is Walker, so we call our baby angels our “Sky Walkers” (courtesy of my Star Wars-loving husband) On the anniversaries of each miscarriage, we celebrate by baking a cake and lighting candles. We talk about our baby angels and how we’ll get to be with them in heaven. My daughter loves talking about them, and it warms my heart. We have two angel ornaments on our Christmas tree each year. Celebrating our Sky Walkers helps us remember them and validates the physical and emotional pain I went through with them.

    A couple of years after my miscarriages we were blessed with a beautiful healthy boy (although my pregnant was quite the physical and emotional roller-coaster). Having my sweet rainbow baby brings me so much comfort, but I will never forget my Sky Walkers:)

    • Lee Anne on August 31, 2016 at 12:24 pm

      This is so sweet Sara. Thanks for being so brave and for sharing your inspiring story with us. XO!

  25. Leah on August 31, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    Thank you for sharing all of this! I was moved by the fact that you blogged about your miscarriage. First off– it will get better. There will be sad days, and there will be easy days.

    My husband and I have the happiest, (almost) 9-month-old little girl, but I had a miscarriage 16 months before she was born. We had been so excited the first time I got pregnant. We had already been to the OBGYN, heard the heartbeat (twice) and my mind had already jumped into planning what the nursery would look like, and what life would be like, with our tiny human. I spent time worrying that I lost our baby because I was working too hard, or stressed, or out in the heat all summer. I worried that maybe I drank too much coffee, or traveled too much. This was all ridiculous.

    I was running all over the place that summer, but also felt like I was taking really great care of myself. The day before I would have been 12 weeks, and about to announce this fantastic news, I saw blood. I was freaking out, reaching out to my husband for help, and making frantic calls to the emergency line for my OBGYN. I hadn’t slept in weeks, and for the previous few days I definitely felt like something felt “off”. My breasts weren’t sore, and I honestly felt pretty normal. I even told my husband, “I think something is wrong, I feel totally fine”. He LAUGHED. I got a doctors appointment for first thing the following Monday morning to confirm that I had experienced a missed miscarriage. Apparently it had happened the week before, but my body wasn’t fully responding to it.

    My husband and I are pretty private people, and I had a job to do that week that I found out. I went through my normal routine, even though all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, eat candy and watch Netflix. I ended up having to take cytotec because the miscarriage was not completing naturally. The following day was both sad, and a relief. It took several hours, but I eventually actually miscarried. I was so sick, and sad, and really didn’t talk to anyone about it. Two nights later we were out for drinks with friends, we said nothing. Several months later I started opening up to a few friends, and realized how common miscarriages really are. I was relieved to have such support, and sad that I hadn’t been more open about what I was experiencing as I was going through it.

    You are so incredible for sharing, and I wish more people who experienced miscarriage would share as well! xo

    • Lee Anne on August 31, 2016 at 8:20 pm

      Thanks so much for sharing Leah 🙂 Your words are inspiring.

  26. Kayleigh Longo on September 1, 2016 at 9:31 am

    Back in 2014, my husband and I moved from Saint Louis to Houston for his career. We were newlyweds but had been a couple for nine years. Being away from family and friends and having been together for so long, I was really ready to start a family. We agreed that summer to start trying. After a month with a really long cycle but multiple failed tests, I thought perhaps something was wrong. I decided to take one last test at cycle day 50 and was surprised with a faint positive.

    We went to the doctor to be examined a week or so later and an ultrasound showed a baby the size of a six-week-old with a faint heartbeat. While my husband and I started to get excited, the doctor questioned the size of the baby because the measurements weren’t lining up with my LMP (based on this the baby should be 10 weeks). We underwent several rounds of HCG testing and while my numbers were climbing, they weren’t doing so rapidly. Two weeks later (and after many internal feelings that something just wasn’t right), we confirmed that our child had passed during that two week period through a second ultrasound. My heart was broken. I failed to miscarry on my own and we agreed with the doctor that a DNC would be required.

    So many emotions carried through me on the day of the surgery. It killed me to know that I would walk in pregnant with a sweet, innocent child that I would leave without ever having a chance to meet that child. I felt so guilty.

    I spent several weeks in a deep depression: for the baby that was no longer with me, for my husband who was so excited when I showed him the pregnancy test, for my family (their first grandchild) whom I had built so much excitement and expectations with only to feel like I let them down.

    But then something wonderful happened. I prayed and prayed and my relationship with my husband grew stronger and stronger. Being in Houston, it was just the two of us. We learned to rely on each other in a way we never had back home. I opened up to my friends and family about my experience because I didn’t want that baby to only live in my memory. I found in talking with others that many other women I knew had also experienced miscarriage and that they were ashamed to talk about it. Being honest about my emotions and the pain helped me heal. I took happiness in knowing that I could potentially help another woman in my shoes heal knowing they weren’t alone.

    We named our baby and agreed that when the time was right, we would try again. God blessed us with a healthy, beautiful little girl last September (she’s almost ONE!). She’s the light of my life and someday I will tell her all about her special guardian angel in heaven.

  27. Leesh on February 21, 2017 at 4:34 am

    Thank you for sharing.
    I read this article the other day.. it was blunt and not sugar-coated in any way. The line that stuck with me was something like “There’s nothing you can do to cause a miscarriage. There’s nothing you can do to stop one.. and why would you want to?” This makes absolute sense, when you consider why the majority of miscarriages occur. Your body recognises that this embryo isn’t ok.. it isn’t viable.
    It sounds cold, but the truth of that keep replaying in my mind. I’m in the process of a miscarriage at the moment. A silent miscarriage, so to speak. It was picked up on a scan Monday, and I’m awaiting a D&C as my body seems to have no intention of letting it go. I would be 11 weeks this Friday, and the fetus measured just over 7. Unlike many women, I know what causes mine.. and it isn’t a “faulty” embryo. It’s a faulty support system.

    Last year at 24 weeks gestation I was advised that my baby had passed away, 8 weeks prior, due to a rare complication.. MPFD.

    It’s a tough situation to experience, and I have many emotions to process right now. It is sad knowing just how common they are, and knowing the toll it takes on your body.. I’m blessed to have 2 healthy children, and I think I’m ok with accepting that it may not be my lot in this life to have any more.
    I think the most conflicting emotion is the guilt.. because I AM ok.

    It’s easy to let a situation like this BECOME your story, instead of just being a part of it..

    • Lee Anne on February 21, 2017 at 7:39 am

      Thank you SO much for sharing your story. You are a brave woman, and I love that you felt empowered to share. I’m so sorry for all of the emotions you are going through mama. Sending hugs your way!

  28. Sher on March 1, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    I recently had a miscarriage and had my first surprise pregnancy. I didn’t know that I could get pregnant it was a complete shock to me. The baby was 8 weeks and 4 days. The father of the baby was from a two year friends with benefits relationship. I never told him that I had a miscarriage and I haven’t spoken to hi
    Since the miscarriage last week. I grieved after the d and c was performed. I have only told a few people who would understand me and not judge me. I also am heart broken because he also told me the last time that I saw he that he wasn’t ready for a commitment. I loved him more than he loved me. In my heart I named the baby frank. This gave me hope for the future that one when I find the right man that I will be able to have a baby one day.

    • Lee Anne on March 1, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      I’m so sorry for your loss Sher, thanks so much for sharing your story here <3

  29. Madi on March 23, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    I just came past your blog today. I am 16 weeks pregnant and had a miscarriage in November after finding out I was pregnant with my first. Loved this post, thank you for sharing and congratulations on baby #2?? Excited to follow you on your journey and see our little babe grow up around the same timeline!

    • Lee Anne on March 24, 2017 at 7:11 am

      Awe thanks so much for leaving your comment Madi, and big congrats on your pregnancy!!!

  30. Stevie on March 27, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    It’s funny when I had my miscarriage I felt so alone I didn’t know the statistics and honestly thought I had done something wrong. I didn’t want anyone to know, I tried to shut myself away and had my mom tell the few who knew I was pregnant what had happened, this wasn’t the way to handle it eventually I started talking about it and things got better. It was so strange to suddenly hear so many other women I knew had also had miscarriages which I think is because it’s something nobody talks about. Now I have one beautiful baby girl and another on the way and feel extremely blessed but I think this is a topic that should be talked about

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