My Life Is A Shit Show Right Now, and That’s Okay

I woke up positive today. Emma slept from 9pm-5am. I should have jumped out of my sheets and performed a happy dance when I looked at my phone and realized my 3 week old just slept an 8 hour stretch. She even went back down to sleep for 3 hours after I fed her at 5. The morning was off to a great start.

My husband woke up with my toddler, and even took him to the park before he headed off to his morning meeting. I woke up, walked downstairs to make coffee, and then went back upstairs to wake Emma up. I was starting to think “Man, we’ve got this down.” I even posted a video to my Youtube channel last night sharing tips on How to Transition from 1 to 2 kids. I was practically an expert in the subject by now, right? Wrong.

my life is a shit show right now, and that's okay

As soon as my husband left this morning, the shit show began. Emma has been eating every hour on the hour for the past two days during the day (thinking it’s a growth spurt). Every time I fed her this morning, Noah would scream at me and say “Put the baby to bed!”, and point to her rock n play. He would cry every time I told him that we need to “Share Mommy,” and that “Mommy needed to feed the baby.” He was throwing massive tantrums, which he never does. Everything I tried to do to make him happy wasn’t working.

He was acting out so badly, and I was so frustrated with him, that I actually spanked him. You guys, I’ve never spanked him before. It was only one swat on the butt, but I felt awful.  He looked up at me with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen “like why in the world did you do that mommy?” I immediately busted into tears. I was losing it and it wasn’t even noon.

my life is a shit show right now, and that's okay

I was able to take him upstairs for a nap, and get Emma to nap, which is the only way I’m able to sit here and type out this post (it’s practically my form of therapy). Of course he isn’t napping, he’s just sitting in his room asking to come out. But he’s going to chill in there for a few minutes anyway, because mama is over here going crazy.

I came downstairs after putting him down for his nap, and hopped on my phone. I was instantly sucked into the world of Instagram perfection. I saw all of my blogger friends posting to their Instagram accounts. They were sharing sales that were going on, changing clothes for their Instagram Try-On Hauls, and looking like they had their shit together. I couldn’t help but compare myself, and feel like I was falling behind.

my life is a shit show right now, and that's okay

Before Emma was born I was able to post on my Instagram account 3 times a day. Now I’m lucky to post once. I know this may seem ridiculous to most people, but posting on my Instagram and my blog is actually my job, and how I earn income to support my family. There’s no maternity leave for bloggers, so the stress of not being able to complete my work can really get to me.

As I sit here and ramble to you, I want you guys to realize that my life isn’t perfect. That other blogger you follow doesn’t have a perfect life either. She’s most likely trying to get work done while her kids are napping. Or maybe she is working as fast as she can, before her toddler runs into the room demanding her attention. We are all just trying to make it work, no matter what our situation is.

my life is a shit show right now, and that's okay

The best part of blogging has been connecting with so many of you in my same shoes. I had a reader reach out to me via Instagram and tell me that my Instagram Stories are what get her though the day. She also has a toddler and a newborn, and she told me that she feels like she can really relate to me. Those messages are what keep me going. They are why I’m writing this post right now.

I wanted to share a glimpse into my not-so-perfect day, and my not-so-perfect life, so that you know life behind those perfect Instagram squares isn’t so perfect.

I want you to know that you’re not alone.

You’re not the only one with spit up forming hard spots in your hair.

You’re not the only one with the incredibly messy living room.

You’re not the only one crying and feeling like you’re failing at this whole parenting thing.

You’re not the only one wondering if 3 pm is too early for a glass of wine.

You’re not the only one who is reheating the same cup of coffee the entire day.

You’re not the only one who compares yourself to other moms on Instagram.

You’re an amazing mama, and you’re doing the best you can.

XO,

Lee Anne

8 Comments

  1. Monica on September 26, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    I’ve got baby number one on the way and posts like these are my absolute FAVORITE! Of course I love seeing bloggers share adorable photos of them and their little ones and I get so excited about getting to do that soon. But geez, social media can really eff up your view on reality. This post gives me hope as a future mama, that I don’t have to be perfect and that “momming” is HARD and that’s okay. For what it’s worth, YOU’RE DOING GREAT!!

  2. Katie on September 26, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing an honest glimps into what parenting can be like at times (lots of the time). I too find myself feeling worse about myself from time to time after checking instagram. I’m lucky if I get a shower most days, let alone time to blow dry my hair and put makeup on. So thrilled to see a woman keepin it real!

    • Lee Anne on September 27, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      Thanks so much Katie! It’s hard to even find time for a shower most days! I appreciate you reaching out and leaving a comment!

  3. Cheryl Shireman on September 26, 2017 at 8:55 pm

    Best blog ever! Love that you posted this because it is reality. All mothers feel like failures on a pretty regular basis. Even when their kids are all grown up and have kids of their own.

    But the thing is – you love those babies. You love them with all your heart. And THAT, my love, is success.

    You won’t always say the right thing. You won’t always do the right thing. But you will always FEEL the right thing – love for your children. And your children will feel that love. For the rest of their lives.

    So. Take a deep breath. Put your arms up in the air and ride the hormonal roller coaster. Enjoy every single hill and valley. Because soon, too soon, it will be over. In the blink of an eye. Honest.

    You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are wise. You are loving. You are kind. You got this. And those babies are so lucky to have you for a mommy.

    • Lee Anne on September 27, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      Love you <3

  4. Meghan Culpepper on September 28, 2017 at 4:38 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your reality and not just all of the picture perfect stuff. Mommin’ two kids – heck, mommin’ one kid – is hard work! There’s good days & bad days, but even when it’s messy it’s beautiful. My toddler has been acting out too since our new baby came home, we’re thinking it’s just the transition of not being the only baby anymore. I know how terrible I feel when I’ve had to spank my toddler, even though it’s been very few times. They still love their mama though! Hoping you had a better day today, and thanks again for keeping it real! 🙂

  5. Jennifer snyder on September 29, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    I loved reading this because honestly with a newborn and toddler at home I have been looking at your posts wondering why I suck! I am tired look awful and get dressed in jeans…no thanks. I have snapped at Olivia and felt awful, she doesn’t know what is going on and why things are changing. I appreciate your honesty about how things are perfect.

    • Lee Anne on October 2, 2017 at 9:00 am

      Thanks so much girl. It’s not easy! We are in the same boat!

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