Mom Pressure


Today I’m writing about a sensitive topic, but it’s one that all moms understand. It’s Mom Pressure, and I’m pretty sure it should be a word in the dictionary. Recently I saw somewhere online that Kate Middleton is going through postpartum depression and that she is under a lot of pressure juggling two kids and keeping up with all of her duties.  Um excuse me… of course she is! Why is the media even bothering her about this? Not cool people!  I never knew how much pressure you could really put on yourself until I became a mom. For some reason there’s this aura about having to do everything perfectly that always surrounds me when it comes to being a mom.

I stress about the craziest things. For example I read somewhere about how if you give your baby a pacifier they could develop ear infections, they could be come addicted to them, that it’s lazy parenting to offer your baby a pacifier, etc, etc… So somehow I equate giving Noah the pacifier is the same as being a bad mom. If you’re reading this and you don’t have kids you’re probably thinking ” Wow, this chick is cray,” but seriously it’s the Mom Pressure. And on a side note do any of you use pacifiers? Because Noah has been using one lately and I think he is addicted. If I don’t let him use it before naps he gets super cranky. We may have been abusing it by giving it to him too often and now we are starting the weaning process. So far it hasn’t been pleasant.

I also have toyed with the idea of giving Noah one bottle of formula a few times. The moment I start thinking about giving him formula the Mom Pressure comes on strong. I get this idea in my head that I’m being selfish and that I only should be giving him breast milk. I literally can’t get the thought of being a bad mom out of my head just thinking about formula. Well I’ve given Noah two bottles of formula since he’s been born and he’s 5 months which is practically nothing, and I still feel bad about it. Cray, Cray, right? No, it’s the Mom Pressure.

I brought this up to my mom recently and she sort of laughed it off saying that this feeling will never go away. Umm seriously mom? So you’re telling me I’m going to be crazy my whole life? I guess I just need to take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine ( oh wait, is that allowed during breastfeeding??- more mom pressure), and chill out.  This is going to be a bumpy road and I’m going to need to let some of this pressure roll off my shoulders if I want to stay sane.

How do you deal with mom pressure? Leave some tips in the comments guys because I’ll take anything I can get!


  1. Anna on June 25, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    Great post and I am right there with you! I am a new mom to my 3 mth old baby boy and I have had the exact situations run through my head. Would love to hear tips for dealing with it all!

    • on June 25, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      Thanks for your sweet comment Anna. I guess we just need to try to not be so hard on ourselves no matter how hard that is sometimes…

  2. Jennifer on June 25, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    Mom pressure will not make you a better mom. I have 2 kids and eventually figured that out. Being overly hard on yourself only makes the short time we get with our kids that much harder. Lighten up and enjoy the ups and downs. That is how the memories will be made. You will never look back and wish you had been harder on yourself.

    • on June 25, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Such good advice Jennifer. Thanks so much for sharing!

    • Tiffany on June 25, 2015 at 3:39 pm

      Totally agree with this!

  3. Kendra on June 25, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    Hi to all you mothers and other readers! I am not a mom, however I am a nursing student on a pediatric floor. Working on the floor, I commonly see heartbreaking outcomes and scenarios where parents abandon/ neglect their babies. It is so refreshing to see posts like this that show so much concern and love for raising your babies to the best of your ability with every step of their development. Although you feel pressure, just know your care and concerns are appreciated and remember that your babies are just lucky to have mommas that are as concerned and attentive as you all! No process can be perfect and I hope my words can offer you a little different perspective!

    • on June 25, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      Thanks Kendra! That was so sweet !

  4. Tiffany on June 25, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    I felt a ton of this early on with Griffin… And still do with certain things but I think it does get a bit easier as time goes on and you realize everyone feels the same way when really we are doing the best we can. I felt a ton of pressure bc he was a terrible sleeper and would only sleep if being held or right next to me. It seemed like everyone else had a baby who slept through the night. ..I don’t think sleep deprivation helps with this anxiety either. Once I stopped obsessing over it and just let it be what it was (we had to cosleep)…Everything got so much easier for us. I think this can be true for a lot of things with motherhood.

    • on June 25, 2015 at 4:16 pm

      Awe thanks for the tips Tiffany. I really appreciate it 🙂

  5. Reagan on June 25, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Hey Lee Anne,

    I saw this post from Scarlett’s Facebook! I am the crazy mom lady that works with her. First of all, DON’T SUCCUMB TO MOM PRESSURE. It’s hard, I know. My daughter is almost 21 months old and looking back, I was worried about the same things you are when she was Noah’s age. And no, you’re not spoiling him or abusing the use of a pacifier at his age. It is completely normal for a 5 month old to have a pacifier in all night and whenever he’s feeling cranky. Mine still uses hers at night, even though I’m thinking about ways to get rid of it once and for all.

    Also, you did great making it to 5 months with almost zero formula! Pat yourself on the freaking back…don’t worry about it! I had to give up breastfeeding at 3 months because she bit the crap out of me and I realized that everyone and their babies are different and you just hold on for as long as you can and move onto formula when YOU feel the time is right.

    Also, it’s funny about the mom pressure and how crazy it makes us. Soon, once Noah can walk and you can take him to a playground you’ll start wondering about being a helicopter mom. I was taking Mara to the park regularly and I always felt bad if I sat down and just let her play by herself for a bit without constantly standing over her and trying to engage her in play. It’s cool to let kids just play by themselves for a bit, but other moms don’t seem to get that. So, I know…a little early in the game for you, but just a heads up.

    From what I’ve heard from Scarlett, you’re doing great and doing everything you can for your little guy. Keep it up, and just do YOU! 🙂


    • on June 26, 2015 at 11:16 am

      Awe thanks so much Reagan! You’re the sweetest 🙂

  6. Beatrice Cole on June 26, 2015 at 12:46 am

    Absolutely love this…. I felt the same way. I’m also a first time mom for my 7 month old daughter, one of the crazy things I was obsessed with was thinking of over feeding her. I also started of breastfeeding and once I gave her formula I felt like a failure, however Once I Got over all my fears and let go of all my worries i felt a weight lifted of my shoulders.I new I was never gonna be the perfect mom Im just trying to be the best mom I can be.

    • on June 26, 2015 at 11:15 am

      This is so true Beatrice. As long as our little ones are loved and safe they are in good hands 🙂

  7. Sarah on June 26, 2015 at 1:06 am

    Such a good post! I felt this, too, with my daughter when she was first born. {She is 4 now}. I will say that Mom Pressure never really goes away — I think it is more about how you deal with it personally. Right now, my daughter is getting ready to start pre-k in August and we have a friend who also has a 4-year old {who has already started pre-k} and he is practically reading sentences! My daughter can read some words, and can read/write all her numbers and letters. But that mom pressure kicks in sometimes like “Izzy should be reading sentences. You need to be teaching her more in this area… Etc., etc., etc.” Sometimes I really beat myself up over the mom pressure stuff. But then one day a switch just flipped for me. Now, I can acknowledge the mom pressure, reflect on myself as a mom, and be like “You are a good mom.” Every parenting journey is different. My advice to you would be to follow your Mom INSTINCT instead of Mom Pressure. I promise you that your Mom Instinct will be all that you need to know what is best for your child 🙂

    And as for the pacifier… trust your instinct! My daughter flat out refused the pacifier and the bottle since she was about 2 months old. {She would literally ONLY take my breast until she could drink from a regular cup.} However, if the pacifier soothes your little guy, then you are not a “bad mom” for using it. Weening it slowly over time could be a good thing, but listen to him to see if he is ready to be weened from it completely.

    • on June 26, 2015 at 11:15 am

      Thanks so much for your kind words Sarah!

  8. Kimberly Bonham on June 26, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    So glad I came across this post from you! My baby is just 3 weeks old and I needed to read this. Being a Mommy is the best but the hardest job ever. Thanks for sharing.

    • on June 26, 2015 at 2:14 pm

      Awe! 3 weeks old is rough. I remember those days. I was a crazy person LOL. It will get better 🙂

  9. Cori on June 26, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    im not a mom so I can’t give much advice on the topic but just wanted to say YOURE DOING A GREAT JOB! Don’t forget to remember that!!

    • on June 28, 2015 at 10:27 am

      That’s so sweet Cori, thank you!

  10. Carly Brydon on June 26, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    I know I definitely felt mom pressure when I first became a mom. Now I just do things how I want and try not to worry about everyone’s opinions.

    • on June 28, 2015 at 10:27 am

      Such good advice! Thanks for your comment Carly!

  11. Christina on June 27, 2015 at 12:18 am

    I can totally relate to this post. I have three boys, 4.5, 3 and 5 months- This is something I’m constantly dealing with but I always remind myself that my babies are all loved, fed, taken care of and I know that I am a great mom. I might not do what other moms do but that’s okay. We all parent differently and love differently. I let all my kids have binkies. If you are always focusing on everything you shouldn’t be doing or whatever another mom is doing, it will consume you. The internet also makes it worse, I feel like. No one is perfect. 🙂

    • on June 28, 2015 at 10:26 am

      Yes, I agree with you on reminding yourself that they are loved, fed, and taken care of 🙂 You are a great mom! Thanks for your sweet comment!

  12. Michelle Benson on June 28, 2015 at 11:02 am

    Mom Pressure is Crazy! I deal with it on the daily with all 4 of my kids. Did they get enough exercise today? I fed them a hot dog for lunch, that’s not the healthiest option. Did they get all their subjects in for homeschooling? I’m at the computer too much working, they hate when I work, I need to do more with them. It’s summer we should be at the pool, having bbq’s, going to the fair. So many thoughts that run through my head. I often times have to pull myself back and realize how blessed a life my kids have it. They get to go on so many adventures that the normal family that has to work 9-5 M-F don’t get to go on. Majority of America doesn’t get the opportunity for the mom to be home full time with their kids because life is downright expensive. I deal with Mom Pressure Like right now, it’s 8:56a.m. Sunday Morning and I need to get in the kitchen to make a nice breakfast for the kids. But instead they are getting frustrated and keep asking me for food. I feel like I’m neglecting them. But in reality i’ll be done in 5 minutes and they can hold on for 5 min. LOL Keep your head up Mama! You are doing great! Oh and just FYI, my kids were all breastfed for 4 months and then we went to formula. They are amazingly normal brilliant children. 🙂 But I will say, with my 1st baby, we were in the same boat as you are with the thought on formula. Breast is best, i’m going to kill her if I give her formula. But in reality life became easier because she was more satisfied and content. I say do what you can, but if baby isn’t happy then mama isn’t happy, then papa isn’t happy and it’s just a whole frustrating mess of a family. LOL. xoxoxoxox Sending you loving thoughts this weekend as I know you are on the mend. xo

    • on June 28, 2015 at 1:41 pm

      Awe such a sweet comment Michelle. You’re an amazing mom to be able to home school your kids and balance everything else so seamlessly!

  13. Cheryl Shireman on June 28, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    Great post, Lee Anne! And I know EXACTLY how you feel. This morning my lovely daughter called to chat with me and I had so many other things on my mind and so many things to do that I cut our conversation short. After our conversation ended I immediately thought that I should have just taken a deep breath and spent some time talking to my daughter. Even though I do have a lot on my plate right now, it didn’t make me feel any less guilty. I really felt like a bad mom. So, you see, Lee Anne, your wise mother was right – Mom Pressure never goes away – even when your “baby” is an adult.

    p.s. Sorry for being so short with you on the phone this morning. I love you with all my heart. Your cray cray mom.

    • on June 28, 2015 at 1:40 pm

      So you’re telling me I’m going to be dealing with mom pressure when Noah is 30????

  14. Jaime on June 29, 2015 at 5:40 pm

    I constantly had mom pressure/guilt. I ended up not being able to breastfeed so I always felt guilty giving her formula. Then it was rocking her to sleep for bedtime and naps (She’s 20 months old and I still rock her to sleep for naps, she won’t nap any other way!). At some point we have to just stop listening to all that pressure and do what WE feel is best. Our kids won’t be mad at us for giving them a bottle of formula, or letting them have a pacifier for too long. They’re happy and healthy, and that’s all that matters!

  15. carly on June 30, 2015 at 9:44 am

    Mom pressure is definitely a real thing and your mom is right….it never goes away. My son is 2.5 years old and I have even more concerns about what I am doing right/wrong then I did when he was few months old. It’s a sign that you are a good mom and you care. Think about it that way and realize all these details (pacifer, formula, etc…) are just minor details. The important thing is that you love your son and you are trying to do what is best for him.
    I was a in medical residency when I had my son and had seen so many moms struggling with mom pressure that I just embraced that we were going to do what worked for us. He didn’t want a pacifier so we didn’t use one. He wanted to nurse all the time and when that was convenient for the family that’s what we did.
    Just hang in there and try to ignore all the “helpful advice”. Do what works for you and Noah and don’t read to many articles about parenting (they mess with our heads). You have already proven that you are a good mom by caring about this stuff and trying to figure out what is best for him……
    Dresses & Denim

    • on June 30, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      Awe thanks so much for your sweet comment Carly!!!

  16. Lauren on June 30, 2015 at 10:37 am

    My son is 6 and my daughter is 2 and I still feel mom pressure ALL THE TIME!!! I wish I could be easier on myself..

    • on June 30, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      I know, right? Us moms need a vacation! Ha 🙂

  17. Jessica Doll on July 1, 2015 at 1:19 am

    I mostly feel mom pressure when we go out to eat. I’m very into my children having good manners at the table (we eat together as a family every single night), and I hattteeee the thought of people thinking any different, lol. It’s something totally silly but I just can’t shake it.

  18. katie on July 6, 2015 at 10:31 pm

    I am not a Mom, but I think it is so great you’re open about discussing this as I am sure SO many other women are going through it – and I am sure one day I will too!

    xo katie // a touch of teal

  19. Katie on September 23, 2015 at 10:03 am

    I feel mom pressure ALLL the time!! And it only seems to get worse as my kid gets older! As soon as she turned 1 I was apparently supposed to stop giving her a bottle, switch to whole milk and start tapering off paci use. Well my kid is almost 14 months, she still gets a bottle before every nap and before bed, the paci is going strong and we’re still working on the whole milk. Whatever.
    But the mom guilt over TV….ugh. Sometimes Sesame Street is the ONLY thing that saves my sanity. And it’s just so cute when she starts dancing to it.

    • on September 23, 2015 at 10:23 am

      Haha, totally agree with you on the Whatever! Do what works for you 🙂

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