Things I’m Doing To Fight Off Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

postpartum depressionpostpartum depression postpartum depression I never thought I would be someone to experience postpartum depression or anxiety. When I had Noah, I wasn’t even sure exactly what was going on at the time. Everyone else around me knew I was struggling with something. I wasn’t sleeping, I was losing weight, I was really stressed, my anxiety was skyrocketing, and I didn’t go a day without crying. I was a first time mom, and I was scared. I literally felt like I had no clue what I was doing, and I felt like I was doing everything wrong.

I remember crying buckets of tears the day my mom left. I had no clue how I would be able to care for this tiny human. I was literally afraid to even give him a bath by myself. I was a constant ball of stress, and I was very low on sleep. I remember laying down to sleep, and not being able to because my anxiety was so high. My mind would never shut off, and I couldn’t relax. I constantly thought that something bad would happen to Noah if I fell asleep. I felt like I needed to stare at him all night, or stay awake to hear him breathing.

I remember family members offering to help with Noah. They would urge me to take a nap, and let me know that they would take care of him. I remember going into my room to nap, and not being able to. Even though I was up the entire night, I was too anxious to get any sleep at all during the day. My mind would run through all of the things that I needed to get done, and I wasn’t able to relax.

It went on for awhile, and it was rough. I feel so deeply for anyone dealing with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. For me, it was a mix of both, and it wasn’t easy. I wanted to chat a bit about how things have been different for me with baby #2, and I also wanted to share some things I’m doing this time around to fight off postpartum depression and anxiety.

First off, I’ve been sleeping. Emma is an amazing sleeper. She will go for 9 hour stretches at night. When we brought Noah home, they had us all freaked out. Since he wasn’t latching in the hospital, he lost weight, and they were freaking me out saying that we needed to pump him full of breastmilk every 2 hours. I was waking him ever 2 hours at night to feed. I had issues getting him to latch, so I had to constantly pump and wake him to feed him. He ended up gaining weight SO fast, and when I look back on that experience I really feel like doctors freak first time parents out. I think Noah developed a habit of waking every 2 hours to eat, which in turn made him a bad sleeper.

With Emma, I’ve been WAY more chill. Luckily, I was able to nurse Emma right away. Noah got taken to the NICU right after birth, so I wasn’t able to nurse him right off the bat. With Emma, I knew what I was doing, and I wasn’t stressed or scared about it. I also have never woken her to feed her. She lets me know when she’s hungry (lately it’s been all freaking day, LOL). I don’t stick to a schedule at all. I feed her when she wants to eat. If that’s every 1,2, or 3 hours, that’s fine. Luckily I’m home with her, so I can be flexible. This has lead to me being able to relax, and her being an amazing sleeper. With Noah I would literally log every single feeding into an app. With Emma, I don’t pay attention to what time it is I’m feeding her, or whether I fed her on the left or the right side last. I just go with the flow, and it’s been AMAZING.

Secondly, I’ve been getting out of the house. I was in the house WAY too much with Noah. I was literally afraid to even take him somewhere by myself. I was also scared to take him in public because I thought he would get terribly sick. Emma went out to dinner when she was a week old. Obviously she just slept in her car seat, and I didn’t let anyone get hear her, but I got out of the house right away, which was HUGE for my mindset.

On days when I feel a little anxious, stressed out, or sad lately, I literally force myself to make plans to get out of the house. Sure, it’s no easy task with two kids, but it makes me feel human. This past weekend I woke up feeling kind of down on Saturday. Dylan said we should make plans to get out of the house in the morning and go do something fun. I was already exhausted by 9 am, and wasn’t feeling it. I realized that I was letting postpartum depression in, and decided to quickly change my mindset. I forced myself to think positively. I told myself that I could handle anything that was thrown my way. I could nurse Emma in public. I could handle a toddler tantrum in the middle of a restaurant. I could change a diaper on a bathroom floor if I had to. I was going to make it work, and I had to tell myself that I could do it.

Of course, we did run into some speed bumps while we were out. Emma blew out of her diaper, and I didn’t have warm back up clothes. It was randomly freezing in Austin that day. The bathroom at the restaurant didn’t have a changing table, so I had to change her diaper and clothes on the ground while she was screaming because it was freezing. Noah threw his first public tantrum, because he hasn’t quite realized that not all toys belong to him. I had to nurse Emma at the grand opening of the downtown Austin library, where thousands of people had flocked for the day. I’m pretty sure I flashed a couple of them in the process, but I tried not to worry about it (I’m not a pro at public nursing yet).

Lastly, I take DEEP breaths, and change my way of thinking. Even though shit was literally hitting the fan on our little weekend trip out of the house, I got through it. I took some deep breaths, and I changed my way of thinking. As soon as I started to feel anxious, I tried to push a positive thought into my mind. When Emma blew out of her diaper and I had to leave my friends at the restaurant table as soon as we sat down, I got stressed. I quickly changed my train of thought from a negative one to a positive one. I thought to myself  “Hey, look at me. I’m out having lunch with friends, with two kids in tow. I’m doing an amazing job, and I’m not going to let an explosive diaper get in the way of me having fun. I have this gorgeous baby who needs my help, and needs me to change her diaper so she can be comfortable again.”

I totally realize that postpartum depression and anxiety can still hit, even when putting these things into play, but I hope that they help you. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and you’re doing an amazing job mama!

Thanks so much for stopping by today friends!

XO,

Lee Anne

15 Comments

  1. Emily on November 3, 2017 at 12:02 pm

    I am so thankful for this post. My due date with my first is tomorrow (ahh!) and I have a history of anxiety/depression, so I feel like I’m already bracing myself for what might come. It’s really good to read this and feel less alone. Best wishes to you!

    • Lee Anne on November 3, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      Aww congrats to you!! You will be an amazing mom, since you’re already doing your research! Hope your little bundle of joy arrives soon!

    • Lauren on November 4, 2017 at 8:24 pm

      I was bracing myself just as you are only 11 weeks ago, right before my son was born. I have a history of anxiety/depression as well. You may feel some baby blues… I did the first two weeks. For me, that meant: a LOT of crying, feelings of sadness, a little regret, feeling scared, not sure what i was feeling or why i was crying, etc. Keep talking. Talk to everyone you trust and love and that supports you. Name your feelings, get them out there and don’t let them take control. And everything written in this blog post is so necessary! I set myself one small goal every day in those first rough few weeks: do something that made me feel good that didn’t directly involve baby. So either: walk the dog or get out of the house for a quick car ride to get a coffee, take a shower, or put make up on. You may feel some affects of the depression/anxiety history, but you can do this!! I promise you can do this. I wish I had more people tell me that before I had my son 🙂 xoxoxo

  2. Meghan Culpepper on November 3, 2017 at 12:34 pm

    Great advice mama! I agree, getting out of the house is SO important, even if it feels like a huge ordeal just to go to the grocery haha. Thanks for the helpful tips! 🙂

    • Lee Anne on November 3, 2017 at 6:49 pm

      Yes, sometimes it really is a HUGE ordeal, but it’s so worth it when you come home and feel so good for getting out! Thanks so much for reading!

  3. Nathalia on November 3, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    This post just made me feel 100 times better about taking care of my newborn baby. I’m a fist time mom so I can relate to all the things you mentioned you went through with Noah.
    Ps. My sons name is Noah too. 🙂

    Thank you for always keeping t real!

  4. Megan on November 3, 2017 at 7:17 pm

    Thank you so much for this post. I am a first time mom to a beautiful 8 week old baby girl and I am just now coming out of the depression/anxiety fog. It’s so helpful to know that I’m not alone and that this is something that can be overcome.

  5. Liz Downs on November 3, 2017 at 9:40 pm

    Thank you for this post! I’m pretty sure I went through some postpartum depression/anxiety with our first child (son who is now 2). I’m due with our second in 6 weeks and already having anxiety about going through the “baby stage” again but this gave me some confidence that it really doesn’t have to be as bad, and can even be better the second time around. Thanks again!

  6. Sarah on November 5, 2017 at 12:26 am

    As I read your post it sounded like you were describing almost my exact experience after I had my son last year. I felt like I had prepared and was ready but the emotions and anxiety definitely caught me off guard. I couldn’t sleep, I was barely eating, always stressed about pumping, feeding, monitoring his sleep…I felt like I couldn’t even enjoy this time that I had always wanted and looked forward to…I was finally a mom, but I couldn’t relax and just be in the moment. I had so much anxiety and felt like I didn’t have time to stop…there was always something that needed to be done. I hope much like you that when we do have a second baby that I won’t go through that again. Honestly, I think going through it once will help. It really feels good to hear someone else go through pretty much the same thing. Thanks for sharing your story.

  7. Brianne on November 5, 2017 at 9:14 pm

    Thank you for this post. I can totally relate to what you went through. I still feel like I get into ruts quite often even though my daughter is out of the newborn phase. I think your tips are really helpful especially getting out of the house. Some days I have to force myself to go out but then afterward I feel so much better. Being a mother can be very challenging and people don’t talk about the challenging parts enough so thank you for being so open. Glad to know I am not alone.

  8. Megan on November 7, 2017 at 9:51 am

    Thanks for sharing!! Not a mom yet but taking notes:)

  9. Renee on November 8, 2017 at 10:29 am

    Your post is SO important. Thank you for sharing! I experienced PPD with my first child 6 years ago. It was debilitating, and it was the hardest time of my life. I felt like it should be the “happiest time,” and that made me feel even more guilt and self-doubt. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I panicked at the thought of experiencing PPD again. So, before the hormonal monster hit me again, I made some promises to myself:
    1. I will tell my husband and closest friends about my feelings and thoughts. Even the ones that scare me.
    2. I WILL NOT hide in a dirty public bathroom to nurse my baby. (It made me feel like I was doing something shameful. And I felt so isolated.)
    3. I will not apologize for my crying baby while grocery shopping. (I did that a lot.)
    4. I will get out of the house. (Set a goal the night before so you’re mentally ready.)
    5. I will let others help more. (Even if it’s just letting a friend empty the dishwasher.)
    6. I will speak kindly to myself. (You are doing fine! You are brave! You are the best mama for your baby! You’re not nuts.)

    When I had my second child, I felt so much better. This could be because the hormonal shift wasn’t as drastic, or it could be because I knew what to do. But I remembered the promises I made, and I know they helped. To all those pregnant for the first time, please read what you can about PPD. Ask your friends and moms about it, and arm yourself with information. Know most of all that you aren’t alone! Okay, public service announcement complete ?

    Thank you again for this post! You’re an awesome mama & I enjoy reading 🙂

  10. Alissa on November 25, 2017 at 6:41 pm

    Thank you so much for this post. It’s as if you wrote it just for me! My experience with my first born was exactly this- and I didn’t have a clue how bad it was until I was looking back. Luckily my friends and family noticed and helped me through it without my asking them for help. I’m due in April with my 2nd. I’m terrified of feeling this way again, but I know it will be different, especially after reading this. And in the moments where I feel the worry and depression creep up again, I have to challenge that. I think I can. Thank you for talking about this!

  11. Whitney Loey on January 3, 2018 at 11:40 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this! You are a wonderful mama and so inspiring! My baby girl is 5 weeks old and I have been dealing with postpartum anxiety. I already have anxiety, so I figured it would only get worse once she was born. I had no idea it would be this bad! I was able to make it out of the house with her, in the car, without my husband yesterday! It was definitely stressful and chaotic, but we did it. It’s so comforting to hear other moms’ experiences. I’m gonna try to get myself out of the house now at least once a day!

    • Lee Anne on January 4, 2018 at 3:27 pm

      Oh my gosh thanks for your sweet comment! Good for you for getting out. It is SO hard in the beginning. Heck, it’s still hard! Keep it up mama, you’re doing amazing!

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